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The Lesbian Ninjas - 'Mech (false start) / Balls Of Power'

from Various Artists - Towson​-​Glen Arm Freakouts: 1992​-​1999 by Nuns Like To Fence

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about

winter 1995
(produced by The Lesbian Ninjas; 'Balls Of Power' originally released by Craig Jakubowski on The Lesbian Ninjas' self titled debut cassette, summer 1995; 'Mech (false start)' is previously unreleased)

Many unoriginal/unpolitical artists repping the common trends of the alt rock-era began to make their presence known at Towson-Glen Arm gigs by late 1994/early '95. These artists were seen by many TGA kids as sell-outs, conformist puppets whose "serious" artistic agenda seemed to be either completely boring or, worst of all, totally insincere. Two of the funniest guys I knew at the time were Alan I.* and Luke Mysko, and like me they both held little respect for most 90's pop music. At some point in late '94 or early '95 I asked Luke and Alan if they would form a band with me whose work could be an absurd affront to the so-called "serious" artists infiltrating the scene. When they gladly accepted my offer, we then christened ourselves The Lesbian Ninjas, a name inspired by Dave Willemain who once told me and the group's other members all about a goofy b-movie he saw that featured lesbian ninjas making out with each other while simultaneously fighting robots or criminals or something. The extreme silliness of this concept fit perfectly with our band's extremely silly purpose.

Only two records were ever made by The Lesbian Ninjas, both of which we self-produced on a hand-held tape player at Alan I.'s family home near Towson High. The house's central location and the generous hospitality of Alan's parents made this place a real nexus for the scene as almost anyone who knew Alan or his brother Matthew could go over there at any time to hang out, watch t.v., play video games, and eat snacks out of the bountiful pantry that Alan's parents kept stocked with all sorts of convenience food. Sometimes his folks would even order pizza and subs and other carryout goods for us. The laidback atmosphere at Alan's place contributed quite evocatively to this botched original version of The Lesbian Ninjas tune 'Mech' in which a pizza delivery guy's arrival audibly interrupts the take. 'Balls Of Power' on the other hand went off without a hitch; it's a bonkers track which once again reveals that leftist politics were often Towson-Glen Arm's major lyrical inspiration: sounding something like the love child of Che Guevara and Speedy Gonzales, Alan I. blurts out improvised lines that satirize patriarchy and the U.S. government's supposed ties to the illicit drug trade ("...they are de balls! De balls of power! Thee balls that control our every live!....we sell them to The Man to get our drugs!") Despite all the political references, Alan still finds plenty of time to name check characters from the 80's sci-fi cartoon He-Man and even his own friends and band mates. My guitar work on 'Balls Of Power' is among the most minimal that the group ever featured with its sound dominated by a single "galloping" muted chord played through a tiny amp. All this goes on as Luke Mysko barks out a few obscene back up vocals that hilariously have almost nothing to do with Alan's lyrics. (* per his personal request I have omitted Alan's full last name from any reference to his participation in The Lesbian Ninjas) - Mike Apichella

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